The key insight:
"In the Church, I don't think we do a good enough job of encouraging the young men to value what we are telling the young women to become."
By increasing my knowledge, skills and abilities I was less attractive to idiot men
I can concede that very stupid men don't want to marry smart women, I just can't understand why smart women would want to marry stupid men. Why is she even considering the shallow end of the dating pool? I guess she wanted a very attractive guy and didn't care if he was smart?
I think boys just are immature around 21 to 25 (When they generally marry within the church) and tend to base most their decision on who to marry on the woman being "fun" and "cute". Which is part of why there has been such an increase in divorce within the church IMO. I don't feel like it's the responsibility of the church to teach boys that's the wrong attitude, though. I feel like that responsibility falls mostly on the father.
As a Dad, I'm making a list of books my kid has to read and exemplary women he has to get to know before he's allowed to date.
If he doesn't get why an Elizabeth Bennet would make a good EC, he's not yet qualified to make his choice.
It occurs to me that this woman perhaps feels betrayed since she felt she was following the Church's line by going to school until she got married. Maybe that's what we should clarify -- education is good, but it's not mandatory, especially not graduate education. And perhaps we should clarify that the position of the Church for women isn't necessarily "go to school until you get married".
Here's how I read the issue: I agree with her. I don't think she's bitter, just pointing out an issue that effects a lot of people.
That issue being a disparity between what young men are taught to value in women by their priesthood leaders, and what women are taught to strive to become by their young women's leaders.
I've seen it first-hand. Not just in church lessons, but throughout LDS culture, and even in the home.
What the author seems to be pointing out is a false teaching. It's the equating of attractiveness to obedience. I've seen it time and again, taught as some sort of bizarre checklist of accomplishments to achieve which will somehow make you a better wife and mother, and more attractive. It's just bologna. The focus needs to be on what you become, not what you do.
I don't think this is a real problem and I don't think the Church would be able to have much effect on the attractions of young-ish men even if they tried.
It's doesn't sound like it's anything specific to Mormonism -- the bookish types have a harder time getting dates everywhere, it seems. Perhaps some of it is social roughness inside that circle that prevents people from asking one another out, etc., or perhaps it's something else. Hard to pinpoint the source of social ineptitude in any group of people, of course.
This seems less attached to the Church and more just bitterness about the length of time it took to get married. The author has projected this bitterness onto the Church by saying it should have told the young men to like her more. Again, I don't think that would have been very effective even if it had happened.
Is there a realer problem buried here somewhere? I'm just not seeing it I guess.
I was above average in looks, so my un-marriageability cannot be blamed on physical attractiveness.
Most men don't want a highly educated, intelligent female.
I know I don't want to marry a woman that sees herself as extremely attractive and much more intelligent then other girls.
The problem here is the women, not the men. To elaborate, I'll use more direct wording then was used in the article, but to the same effect.
"All throughout my college years men were intimidated by me because I was so much smarter then them. I'm a highly fashionable and extremely attractive woman that does exactly what God wants me to do.
"Whenever I would start talking about the amazingness of deforestation's effect on South Brazilian tribesmen (which I make a point to let everyone know I am a premier expert on) guys get turned off. Can you say shallow?!
"Finally after 16 years (and $300,000 in student loans) of searching the auditoriums of the BYU Campus I finally found the most amazing man ever. He served a three year mission on the moon and baptised the president. He's shot at least 3 underwear ads and actually recognizes me as the most intelligent, humble, and good looking woman ever born.
"Maybe if you wait until you can't have any kids you'll find mister right, don't count on it though; You're not nearly as wonderful as me."
Rude? Maybe. But still truthful.
http://thermtc.com/2011/09/what-do-girls-look-for-in-an-rm/
The intro reads:
What Do Girls Look for in an RM?
Perfection—nothing less, nothing more. Quite a standard to live up to—but you’re a returned missionary, right?
Of course, Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist, so women must choose either a life of celibacy or…you and your pals. I can assure you, a tough choice for many.
I've met one young man that didn't want to get married and was being neglectful (in the Church). My fingers and toes can't count the women though.
I find that sadly, an increasing number "choose a life of celibacy." at least until they realize how empty life is alone (say around age 35?).
I got the same vibe from the article....
"There's nothing wrong with me, so it MUST be the church and all the guys in it!"
Seems to me that she should have tried a little humility.
Edited: formatting
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